For me, it’s probably when it becomes obsession.

When love “turns to the dark side” as it were, this is where I find I end up at. I’m hoping it’s a former habit I’ve kicked, because frankly it’s just too tiring.

Symptoms include checking his twitter far too many times in one day, mentally staring at his Facebook chat image willing him to message you, and  – not matter how many times he does, however cool or however flirty he gets – it’s never, ever enough.

I think that’s the terrible thing about being too deeply “in love” with someone, particularly from a distance. Words on a screen just can’t satisfy you, as I discovered last year when I was living away from Britain.

But in my experiences so far, I will admit, there have been one or two instances when the joy of someone being interested has simply descended into an obsession. And what I learned, mainly, was this: you’re not obsessed with them, you’re obsessed with the fantasy.

That image we build in our heads of a potential partner is powerful, especially when we’re not seeing them every day. We take the foundations and build ourselves a surrogate human which we fall in love with. Like some terrible Frankenstein’s monster of dating, we will that fantasy to be the person. But, of course, it’s not going to be.

Remember that it’s the imperfections that truly show how much you truly love someone.

A perfect fantasy will always be just that.


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