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There’s something about the 2nd date.

It tells you more about the person, because on the 2nd date, you know if you’ve run out of things to say.

And I think Mr. Tall and I did.

Part of it was sheer exhaustion. I’ve not been sleeping well due to the stress of job interviews.

We went to the National Portrait Gallery for our 2nd date, then lay out on the grass in St James’s Park where I feel asleep in his arms.

I declined the invitation to go back to his “for a cuddle”. Somehow the feelings just weren’t there anymore. It was like reality hit home. I wasn’t into him, for all his sweetness or boyish charm.

It sounds terrible, and I shouldn’t even be thinking it, but my mind still swings like a compass to Mr. Ivan. No one else fills my mind the way he does.

But more than that is…myself. For the first time in a while I don’t want a man in my life. I’m in a very unsettled place right now, with (temporary) career uncertainty, and I’m frightened.

But as I’m learning, there are some kinds of fear in life which you can only deal with on your own.

And I think that’s where I want to be, for now.

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