As I’ve said, the fashion industry isn’t what I once thought it was.
The other week, I was invited to my friend’s house to play the board game “A Game of Thrones” (based on the books) with a group.
I loved every moment of it, and it re-awakened something long dormant in me.
You see, I used to play Dungeons and Dragons when I was very young, about 12. Back then, you’re really too young to categorise it as something silly or dangerous – you just think of the wonderful stories it creates in your head, which, as we all know, have their own sort of magic.
But in my mind somewhere, I’ve always turned to those kind of fantasy worlds when I’ve needed somewhere to retreat.
What drew me to fashion was the stories and fantasy evoked by the clothes and the setting. But now more and more that sensibility seems to be gone. Replaced by an endless stream of useless celebrities.
In complete truth, I think I would rather be part of the marketing team for Games Workshop than Ted Baker.
Why would I spend my days writing about fabrics and stitching when I could be lost in a world of magic and mystery?
Perhaps that’s not healthy to some, but I’ve hidden my love for those things for so long for fear of seeming “uncool” or “geeky”.
But all 3 of my closest friends now would describe themselves as geeky. And I love every one of them.
(Hopefully they love me too)
I feel that now I’m entering a phase of my life where I don’t need to hide. The bullies I new at school and the judgements I knew as a young adult are falling away. If someone isn’t adding to my life I can cut them away and no see them again. At a boarding school, this isn’t an option.
But now I can.
To feel that you can be who you truly are, not not what others expect you to be, or what you think you should be, is an incredibly liberating thing.
I don’t need to be afraid of me, or any of my preferences. It’s a true emancipation.
Nor should any of you.
Don’t hide in the darkness. I’ve been there, and no-one deserves to be locked away in that self-built prison. I realised recently that for years I had let myself be dictated to. first by others and then by myself. I told myself that the world of high fashion was my world, when I could see things in it that I despised, and people I loathed.
Through my current job I’ve learned where my strengths lie in terms of career.
Now hopefully someday I can combine them with the worlds I love, that I’ve always loved. Of course in any talk of dreams there must always be a realty check. We need roofs over our heads and food in our mouths.
But to look at yourself and know what you want and where you wish to go, and to feel the freedom to do so?
That is something truly priceless.