“She decided we were getting married.”
Now there’s a line I bet everyone has heard. But it struck me today that I’ve heard it a frightening number of times. Usually as the man looks towards his shoes glumly, as though looking for his lost years of bachelordom.
When we’re young, marriage is this magical fairy-tale ending of true love. At what age does that fantasy start to slip away? Is it supposed to? Are we supposed to settle or hold out for the dream?
A larger percentage of straight men that I’ve met informed me that their respective others simply “decided” that a marriage was happening. In one case, he came back from a holiday to find the entire thing organised.
My mother would probably argue that this is a necessary precaution, as straight men are, by and large, incapable of organising their own lives.
But is marriage really supposed to be about organising the other person?
They say people don’t really change, so how is roping someone into marriage supposed to secure happiness for the rest of your life?
Now, the majority of straight men I’ve met have not been bright sparks. Frankly, I don’t see how any woman in their right mind would even think about accepting a proposal from them, let alone roping them into a lifetime commitment.
But it’s really made me wonder – do men ever really want to get married?
If, by and large, they are being roped, pressured, bullied, hinted at and coerced into matrimony, do they really want to be there? And if not, what is the modern alternative?
Anyone else ever notice that all married men seem to joke about pining for being single?
It seems to be that beneath the joking and banter, a large number of them really don’t want to be there. Are we all pairing off and getting married just to avoid the social stigma of being single?
I met someone recently who I’ve been dating. The more I get to know him, the more i like him. He’s sweet, kind, generous and easygoing. It wasn’t a case of crazy all-consuming love at first sight, but I think it might have the potential to grow.
Is that a more solid foundation for a marriage than being swept off your feet?
It seem to me the men who have swept me off my feet in the past have all turned out to be flaky, insecure, uncommitted or just plain old bastards.
Part of me thinks I could see myself ending up with Dom one day. Part of me wants to feel that all-consuming passion for someone. But so often the passion burns out. Strike that, eventually it always burns out. What’s left needs to be stronger and able to last through the decades with that one other person.
I’d love to get married one day. I want to meet that one person who completes me and who I can spend my life with.
But when you meet that person, do you know right away? Or is it something which is build, created, cultivated and developed over time?
One thing’s for sure. I’ve wanted men to fall in love with me before, and I’ve done my best to make them see me as I saw them. And I know that it never works, not really.
So I can’t help but think that coercing a man into marriage isn’t the best idea. Even if you think it’s the best thing for them.