I spoke to Mr Will for the first time in ages recently. Going to Sigapore for a performing gig, he offered to pick me up a miniature buddha at one of the street markets, knowing I like them.
Since it’s the bank holiday weekend and he’s back in London, I suggested meeting up to exchange. He demurred, saying that he was away to Northampton. Yet just now n Facebook I see that he’s performing at his usual spot in London.
I’m no longer in love with him, if what I was even feeling was ever love. He can meet me or ignore me as he likes now, I know that I deserve better than what he can give me.
But thus we come to the legacy of Mr. Will.
Complication. That is his life, his liking, his legacy. Nothing with Will could ever be simple. Not even meeting up for a quick exchange. Everything has to be a tangled mind game of hurt and confusion.
Does he do it deliberately? Since he first charmed me outside a stage door, was I only something with which he wanted to amuse himself by playing with feelings which were young and impressionable?
These were the questions which used to roll around in my head like dice, but no more. The charm is gone, the veil has been lifted, and it’s the final curtain call. I’m bowing out. I’ve watched him hurt me, hurt others, hurt people who cared for him.
He is selfish, cruel and I want nothing more to do with him.
To anyone out there who thinks it’s romantic to fall in love with the bad boy, to stay and hope that one day he’ll turn around and tell you you’re his, don’t. Leave. Get up, pack your dignity and walk away. Don’t waste your life, love and feelings on him because he won’t change, and even if he somehow did, he still wouldn’t deserve you. Ignore the charm, ignore the dreams, ignore the feeling that he makes everything right.
Turn around and run. Take the lessons he taught you and leave him.
Leave the legacy of hurt, pain, confusion and broken feelings where it belongs. With him.