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I went out for a Friday coffee with Mr. Tom during lunch, and as he stretched back I couldn’t help but think how good looking he is.

Unfortunately referencing his boyfriend, Poisonous Jim, is never very far away.

He is, apparently, “warming” to me as he has “started referring to be by my name”. This to me means he was referring to me by some offensive nickname before. But, then again, his is Poisonous Jim.

My friend Nick says they are getting close to moving in together, something I pray god never happens. I know nobody really ever knows what goes on in a relationship besides the people in it, but I fail to understand how they work as a couple. Mr. Tom speaks about topics that he is afraid to bring up with PJ because he fears him losing his rag.

I know PJ has his own issues, but it always seems like poor Tom is walking on a tightrope.

As I was saying to a friend this week, I wish Tom and I could try taking our friendship romantic. We understand each other intimately, when he stays over we share a bed, we talk every day. When we’re around people they all say how great we are together.

Part of me knows that trying to go romantic could jeopardise, and I love having a best friend for the first time in years. But I can’t help but feel he deserves better than what PJ gives him. He’s a good and kind person. I knowPJ has things he has to work through, and to a degree I understand, but he seems to demand and demand like some sort of mutant cuckoo.

Perhaps it’s because I know I couldn’t be with someone who relied on me that much. I want to be one half of a relationship (Mr. Dom and I petered out) but my dream is to one day be one half of a career driven power couple. I don’t really want kids, but I love the idea of making a life with a man filled with all the things I wish I could’ve had growing up.

I finally feel like I’m on the road with my career, something I’m helping Tom with and I know PJ is concerned about. That’s what makes me feel bad.

I mean, is wishing Tom and I could be together sensible?

Or am I just being selfish?

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