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Twice now, I’ve been chatting with a man and, when we’ve agreed to meet up, he turns out to be, well, rather thin. Something you can’t always tell in a profile headshot.

Not to sound like I’m being “size-ist”, but is it wrong that that’s usually a deal breaker for me?

Normally i judge people on the way we connect intellectually and emotionally, putting looks second. But that’s not to pretend they don’t matter – we judge someone, rightly or wrongly, on first impressions. Looks are inherently a part of that.

But for whatever reason, guys who are skinny-skinny just turn me off. The interesting thing is that in both these instances, both men were around 20 years older than myself, in their mid forties. I’m not averse to dating older men, as any of my friends will tell you. Actually, I’m very open to it.

But there’s something about seeing a mature man looking boyishly slim that just puts a big, red cross next to his name. It would be the same, frankly, if he were in his 20’s or 30’s. It completely turns me off.

Now I am not a large person, so it’s is in no way to do with issues of body security. To me a man, physically, is supposed to be that comforting presence you wriggle close to and hold when things seem bleak. In the middle of the night when you’re frightened and feel alone, there are few things ore comforting than feeling his presence there next to you, if you really care about him.

It’s hard to do that when he looks as thought he might disappear between the sheets.

I don’t mind if a guy has a bit of a belly. If he likes to eat a second slice of cake. If maybe he’s filled out a little on his sides. In fact, sometimes I find those things pretty damn sexy.

Why, then, does it not work the other way?

Does that make me a hypocrite?

If sex is a driving force behind a successful relationship, is it hypocritical of us to be open about what we need from a partner physically?

Were a man to openly declare that he only dates skinny girls, he would be derided as a purveyor of an unhealthy body image. Possibly correctly.

But at what point does our personal choice become right or wrong?

When we each have our own idea of what forms beauty, does it do any good to judge what someone else may choose?

Perhaps we should simply celebrate someone finding what it is they actually want. In truth, how many of us can say that we’re even certain of that?

When it comes to a man, I’m attracted to his strength, Primarily his strength of character, but physically it means a lot to have someone who can give you that elusive protective feeling. I like the feeling of a man’s arms around me, holding me tightly. It’s hard to achieve that feeling when it looks as though my arms muscles are bigger than his.

It may all just boil down to personal choice, but as the old saying says “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.

 

 

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