With the World Cup kicking off tonight, it was perhaps appropriate that I was asked out, and accepted, a date with a Brazilian.

Except, turns out it wasn’t.

Small, hairy and “enjoys lying”about his age, he was kind enough to point out that I had a smudge on my cheek, due to emerging from the tube 5 minutes before.

When I apologised about said smudge, he replied with:

“Oh no, it’s you I feel sorry for. You look as though you made no effort to look good at all.”

Now I am not a slave to appearances. My style leans towards Shoreditch vintage meets some high street. Yet there was enough in this to cut, and it continued throughout the (mercifully short) date.

“This little grey flatcap thing? I hate it. And your shades? Ugh. You have such a pretty face honey!”

Having had my date come down with what appeared to be a serious case of dickhead, made my excuses about having an article to finish and left, recounting the whole episode to my best friends and laughing about it.

The plan? Ignore all future texts until The Brazilian gets the message.

Besides the thinly-veiled insults there was a lack of any kind of steady work on his part, and a seeming pride in his gigolo friends. The whole thing was, in hindsight, an utter date disaster.

Yes unlike previous dating disasters, this one ended in hilarity rather than a any broken heartedness.

Sometimes the best medicine is to simply look at the absurdity of the situation and laugh at it. It’s amazing how much a single moment of mindfulness can convert a situation into, perhaps not a positive experience, but possibly a pleasant one.

Then we pick ourselves off, and move onto the next one.

And if they decided insults were a good first date technique, frankly they deserve the silent treatment.


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