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My best friend told me this week he doesn’t want to do lunch for the rest of the week. He doesn’t want to be around people. He didn’t want to talk about it.

When I asked if I’d done or said something, he said no.

And yes, he knew I was there for him.

Evidently he needs time alone – the question is why?

The most obvious place my mind jumped, was break up with his boyfriend.

For months I’ve watched this person drain the life out of him, with his depressions, his tantrums and his mind games. I’ve watched Tom lash out at people around him because he’s so tired. And yet, he claimed to love him.

Why, so often, do we fall for those who cause us the most harm?

I watched my best friend, a man I’ve grown to love, waste away. Has he broken free, finally?

Would the break up be the best thing for both of them, or am I hoping it happens for my own reasons?

I want him to be happy. I wish the very best things for him, but there was something…wrong, with his boyfriend. He was cruel, and mean. I mean, he never really took to me, and honestly I can’t exactly say I blame him – Tom and I became close very quickly. I didn’t take to him either. But when he called, Tom had to come running. He had to support him every step of the way, deal with all the baggage, while dealing with all the other issues which come with navigating London in your 20’s.

More than anything, I want him to just be alright.

I hate it when there’s a voice of silence between us. We all need time to ourselves, but I know he’s in pain and I don’t know why. And that hurts me.

As two people who have shared so many things since we met, what is so big that we can’t share this?

I want to hold him in my arms and make it alright. Even if I can’t make it alright, I want to hold him close and him to know he’s safe.

Because the truth is I don’t know what I’d do without him.

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