I described a date on Thursday to my friends as 8.5/10.
Pretty good, in other words. He was perhaps a little shy, and his teeth looked like something from a Californian orthodontist advert.
What I didn’t, what I couldn’t tell them was a small part of me things I might have found The One.
I don’t really believe in love at first sight. I think it’s a myth. I believe there can be attraction and chemistry initially, and that those things are built on to establish what we need in the perfect partner; the one we are going to spend the rest of our lives with.
I was attracted to this man, Mr. Steven, at first sight. When I found out he was clever, funny, talented and creative too, I found him even more so.
In fact, he seemed to be everything I was looking for.
Now I can be a very romantic person, but I know enough to know that long term partnerships are like business arrangements. Each partner must feel they are benefitting from the deal, and the deal must be met at the halfway mark. The difference with the lifetime partnership, of course, is that each must feel they have struck a miracle with the deal. That, I believe, is why it is such an elusive and coveted position.
It just seemed like everything we said, everything we did, seemed to compliment one another. We had enough to talk about to fill a lifetime.
We made each other laugh.
I looked at his lean, strong body, and knew I wanted him.
He is my senior by 17 years, but it doesn’t bother me at all. I fact, it makes me even more attracted to him. There is a juvenility of spirit to him which lifts my own and makes it shine; yet he is calm and manly.
What amazes me most, I think, is the sense of balance.
I love it when he sends me a text, and I enjoy messaging him. Yet I’m not frantically checking my phone, willing him to respond. There is a serenity about my feelings for him. They are strong, and growing, I can feel it, but I do not feel the spike of obsession. If I send him a message and do not receive an immediate response, I do not worry. Some might say this is proof that my feelings could not be the foundations of love – for is love not meant to set the soul on fire and drain the mind of all other thought.
But I disagree.
I think when love sets the mind aflame, you get burned.
I feel an approachable and open companionship, laced with passion, respect and admiration.
I want him. I think in time, if things continue, I could grow to love him. He fascinates me. His work fascinates me. Even what he told me of his interests and skills fascinate me. The fact he could do DIY and had an interest in it was downright sexy.
But in seriousness, I do not seek some sort of mythic fairy tale – I seek my own. I seek the safety, sanctuary and security of a man I can love as much as he loves me.
I don’t feel the need for a family, or for children. I want a family of one other person – both of us married to one another and to our careers. I do not wish to run away with myself – we have only had one date, however well it has gone.
Afterwards, he sent me this:
Well, as an honest (if slightly tiddly) perspective, you are beautiful, well dressed and clever. So you can send this to the previous fuckwit date! 🙂
And I hope, if all the stars and angels align, I hope, maybe, I could have found my love.
Someone I could spend a life talking with.