I’m in the midst of applying for an exciting new job, which it almost seems too much to hope for. It s one of those which only becomes more exciting as the process goes on, and I’m dow to the final stages of a very lengthy process. 

Almost more bizarrely, Poisonous Jim has become, well, a lot less poisonous lately. In fact, he has even admitted to liking me. Imagine! 

I don’t think we entirely trust one another yet, but I like to think that, with a little luck, we could be on the way to a beautiful friendship. I do still look at him an Tom together and fail to see how it happens. I still look at Tom sometimes and wonder if I am falling in love with him. I look at his strength, his character and his spirit, and sometimes for a moment I want him. Not as a fling, or to have an affair with, but as something much, much more. 

Sometimes I imagine in the far, far flung future we could end up together. Isn’t that how it happens; the best friends end up together in the end? 

Is that believing in true romance or ignoring cold reality? 

In romance I seem to be failing utterly. Mr. Steven sent me a message to say his Father is very ill, and so he has put all social engagements on hold for now. 2 dates since – neither of which will yield a second. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing all this work to further my career – but how I long to have someone to share it all with. Sometimes I don’t even seem to know what it is I want. 

Sometimes it feels like the currents of life are changing and turning a corner. The frightening thing then is how little control we feel. I feel like things are moving; churning just out of my grasp, and any influence I try and make will be like throwing a pebble into a maelstrom. I feel like I’m about to open an entirely new chapter, and I don’t know whether I’m excited…

…or terrified. 



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