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I’ve been chatting back and fourth with a Mr. Chris. We were meant to meet tonight, but unfortunately we’ve had to reschedule.

Dating Gods, I’m asking for you to smile on this one. I need your help.

According to his profile, he is 6 ft 5. 6 feet and 5 inches tall. Dating Gods, do you know what that means?

On his interests, he has “rugby” and “martial arts”.

When we chat on WhatsApp, we talk about theatre.

Think about that for a second. He’s tall, handsome, with a rugby/martial artist build and a sensitive, artistic side. He’s sent me a pick, ahem, sans shirt. Dating Gods, I’ll make it easy for you: “mmmmmmmmmmmm”.

Get my drift?

I believe that this is what’s known as “a diamond”. A catch. A find. A one to hold onto. The myriad of phrases for potential partners which you’ve blessed and cursed us mere mortals with down through the centuries.

Dating Gods, I’m asking you as a suppliant child to hear me. Please let us meet soon. Please let him be as handsome as he looks on his picture and as sweet as he seems in his texts. Please let this be something more than physical attraction. Please let us fall far for each other and build something together.

I know, I know. I’m making a mistake and fantasising. But Dating Gods, wouldn’t you? I don’t know if you actually date (I assume you must, although that births an interesting conundrum. Possibly dating each other?), but you must know that thrilling first feelings of feeling like you want to fall for someone. You must know the hope in the digital age of those days before you meet in person enjoying those first iMessages. Please don’t make him a nutter. Please don’t make him secretly have a fish fetish (or similar). A little weirdness is fine. In fact, I’d go one further and say it’s actively encouraged.

Dating Gods, you know I’ve been on some bad dates (if you don’t, look back through this blog), can this one become something more than a petered out communication or a loss of interest on one (or both) sides? I’ve worked hard to make my life and career in London. But when it comes to love and relationships I’ve not been so lucky (the sex has been OK. Could be better but we’ll get to that).

So I ask you on my knees, my immortal dating deities, could you help make this one work?

All the pieces are there. You just have to help me put them together. At the very least, you have to stop me rugby tackling him out of sheer lust when we meet. At the very. very least you have to let me into bed with him (where I’m hoping it’s in proportion with the 6 ft 5 frame. If it’s not then that’s just cruel).

Sincerely,

A Dating Failure

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