And then there were three.
Over the past few days I’ve taken the first steps to get to know three men. Three potential suitors as follows:
1. The Stallion. As outlined in the previous post, he is 6 ft 5. Gorgeously muscled. We laugh at the same things (like inappropriate jokes and Family Guy). His body sends me into paroxysms of desire. He’s also into theatre, so there’s plenty of ground there.
2. The Australian. First date was last night. Big and cuddly, he’s geeky in the best way. A very sweet man, he seems exceptionally kind and such a good person.
3. The Architect. Sharp as a razor, we discussed opera and politics on our independent coffee shop lunch date. He’s the one I could talk with long into the night. Tall, toned and slender, he is handsome in a Mark-fromRent sort of a way.
I’m not sure if I’ve been giving off some sort of pheromone lately, but to have three potentially interested men is a little bit of a shock to the system.
Is it wrong to keep seeing them all until I find which one I like best? (providing he likes me too, of course). Something about The Stallion just pulls me towards him, he seems so bold and charismatic. But is that enough for a potential relationship? If I want more than to just get between his exquisitely toned thighs?
I loved the conversation with The Architect, but although handsome I didn’t feel that animal desire for him. But will that develop in time? When we have so man topics to discuss and talk about, isn’t that building a better long-term connection than wild sexual lust?
And The Australian. I just wanted to take him home and cuddle him – he was like a big, squashy teddy bear. Not an amazing body, but obviously a very good heart. And isn’t that more important? Possibly the most important?
The private truth is, and I don’t even feel I can tell my friends this, I want to think about my long-term partnership now. I know it will take several years to find, but my goal is to have career and life partner sorted out by 30.
4 years away, roughly.
Or if not sorted out, at least well along the path. I know where my career is going, but I want to start looking for someone to share the achievements and trials with. The life highs and lows, I’d like someone to be there next to me, who I can love and support in turn.
Perhaps one of these three men is that man, perhaps not. They all certainly seem to hold potential in their own ways. Its’s as though someone has taken three of the things I most look for in a man and manifested that quality in the appropriately corresponding body type.
In the one sense, it’s nice just to even feel wanted. I’ve felt so lonely recently, having no-one to really share my career success with. But with the feelings of pride in being wanted comes the fear of ejection. It seems to me they walk hand in hand.
I’m scared of them all just walking away and leaving me lonely again.
But I suppose the words of one of my oldest friends said it best: “cliche as it is, the risk is necessary to be happy”.
I’ll hold onto that hope of being happy.