Do you know someone before you know them?
I’ve been WhatsApp chatting with The Rugby Stallion, or ‘Chris’, for a few days now. We were meant to meet, but he got stuck on the road on the way back to London, and the time after I couldn’t make it. But we’ve messaged each other a lot, and it somehow feels like I’m getting an impression of his character.
But am I really?
I don’t want to have a relationship with my iPhone. I’ve done the iDating thing before and it doesn’t work. Or, possibly, it’s not that it doesn’t work – but it’s just a shadow of what true contact is.
But how do you push a relationship offline without seeming pushy? I love the flirty messaging and he seems to be the sort of man I could very happily get to know, but I’m frightened of pushing it to the next level in case it all goes wrong.
I know getting hurt is the risk we take when we put ourselves out there, but pat of me is still scared.
I feel like I’m ready for a proper relationship and I wasn’t for a long time, not truly. But I feel that personally and professionally I’m in a place now where I have something to offer – I’m not looking for something from the sense of self-comfort of someone to indulge me. I want a friend and companion, someone I am also attracted to deeply and sexually.
But where do we draw the line?
People, myself included, get drawn into the world of texting and iMessaging as it’s quick and easy, and seems to throw off many of the burdens and emotional hurts which come with trying to build a relationship. We just get the fun bit. The cream. The flirting and the affirmation. The feeling good and feeling attractive without the messy stuff (literally and mentally).
But as a film quote I’ve always remembered goes: “life is the messy bits”.
And it’s so true. Life is the difficulties and the learning curves, the challenges and the emotional moments. Life isn’t sitting in a room texting with a wannabe boyfriend. That’s potential at best and self delusion at worst.
So I guess the time comes with online dating, once it’s moved from an app to WhatsApp and starts to move from there into your heart, you just have to take the plunge, even if it means making the first move.
One of my mother’s favourite sayings is “if it’s meant to be, it will be”. I’m not into massive over-analysis when it comes to dating, although sometimes admittedly it can’t be helped, as in my experience nothing kills the excitement, life and romance faster. We can’t really focus on developing our compatibility with someone if we’re analysing the relationship and person like an equation.
Not to mention I think that opens the doors for trying to be the person you think you should be, rather than the person they are. There is nothing worse than making them fall in love with an illusion.
Then again, there is almost nothing more disappointing than seeing a good potential partner disappear off the grid without a word.
But I suppose it’s a risk worth taking when you think what could lie beyond?