I went to see a former fashion acquaintance today in Shoreditch, thinking I had the perfect blog for his designs to feature in – the lifestyle blog at the company I’m moving to.
When I told him about my exciting new job he:
a) Sneered about the company.
b) Checked their twitter and informed me most of the followers were bots and “that shit ain’t real”.
c) Said he would ‘think about it’ if I sent him the company’s numbers.
d) Said he was having a ‘meeting’ in his shop so I needed to go.
I left feeling somehow rejected as he and his assistants laughed. It was the first time in a very long time I’d felt somehow bullied. The first time in a very long time I felt I’d met someone who was being truly mean. It wasn’t a good feeling, and his rudeness stung, particularly as we’d always gotten on quite well previously.
I walked out his shop (Spitalfields – JK), flipped open Facebook on my iPhone and deleted him.
There was immediately something incredibly liberating about it. And emancipation from something I don’t think I’d had the courage to really do mentally before.
I thought back to all the times in the past, through school and uni, where I’d tried so hard to please everyone and always tried to be kind. I’d forgotten just how horrible some people could be, even when you’re trying to do something good for them.
But what I realised as I reached for the de-friend option was how ridiculous that frame of mind is. So often we keep negative and emotionally manipulative people in our lives, those who are cruel and treat us like we’re 2nd class citizens. Those who find pleasure in our pain and humiliation. Sometimes they do it so skilfully we hardly even realise it.
But here’s a tip: like unwanted sex, just say no.
Be they friend, potential business prospect or hopeful lover, they are not worth it. At 26, I’ve seen more than enough hurt, pain and betrayal in this world. I know it’s not worth it, emotionally or materially, and so should you. Know that you’re worth more than they are. Know that those cruel barbs are nothing more than a manifestation of their own worthlessness. Know that you deserve something better.
I also realised how much I’d evolved. I realised I was in a place where my career and friendships were strong enough that I didn’t have to rely on anyone else. Particularly not some self-aggrandising designer who thinks he’s god’s gift for couture because he got some Made in Chelsea trust-fund baby to wear his clothing.You can keep it Mr. K, and good luck to you.
Although the things he did were hurtful, the lesson I drew from the experience was very valuable.
Far more valuable, in fact, than any of the things he sold n his little shop.
I realised that it’s OK to oust people out sometimes. If they’re not contributing something to your life, and certainly if they’re going out of their way to make it harder, then like a bad piece of writing they deserve to simply be edited out.
And the best part? You are the editor of your own life. You hold the power to decide what your columns, features and advertorials will be. You decide your latest news. You decide what goes on the cover and what will be cut.
And those who put you down in life? Throw them aside like the losers they are, and turn the page darling.