This weekend I stayed over at Tom and Jim’s.Games, fun, friends, talking and Chinese takeaway; it was almost like one of those old-fashioned sleepovers you’d have and treasure as a kid. Well, except with wine.
Jim and I haven’t always seen eye to eye, but the amazing thing is how special a friendship seems to be developing, considering I think we almost came very close to hating one another. But it’s yet another thing to be thankful for – how often do we go through life disliking someone intensely and never knowing the amazing things they have to share? I think or friendship will always be a little sharp edged, but then again we’re both pretty sharp tongued. It’s all just part of the fun when you think about it.
I lay in bed this morning, nursing my wine-induced hangover and thinking about all the things we’d stayed up until 3am talking about. Somewhere, I swear I heard someone having an orgasm.
It was this long drawn out cry of ecstasy.
As I lay in my spinster bed, I couldn’t help but feel a little melancholy. Right now, I know I have very little to complain about. This time next week I’ll be in Canada to start an exciting new job at a wonderful adventure travel company. My career path seems bright, I have great friends and my life in London is everything I hoped it would be when I settled here 2 years ago.
With Friday as a set of emotional highs and lows at my current job, and being stood up for a no strings sex date, I was feeling very upset and vulnerable. As I lay in the dark, the dreaded black void opening before me, all I could think about was how much I wanted to find that special man to hold onto.
Hearing that Sunday morning moan of joy, I couldn’t help but feel it again.
Where is he?
Will I find him?
Will he be everything I hope he’ll be?
I used to think I didn’t want, didn’t need anybody but myself. I realise now that was just defensive denial over feeling isolated and like I didn’t fit in. I’ve somehow now reached an age (26) where I’m starting to feel, quite honestly, a little lonely.
They say you should count your blessings, and I do. I try to stay grateful about what I have. But now I yearn for someone to share all these amazing things with. To share London with.
It’s not a part of me – it’s all of me. Mind, body and soul. I’m sure he’s out there. I just have to find him.