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Tomorrow I’ll head to the airpot and take my first flight across the Atlantic to start training for my new job.

I’m nervous.

Scared.

Excited.

Confused.

I had the excitement of flying away for a job before. My first job out of uni was in Gibraltar, and it all went wrong. I went out as an editor, and they wanted to make me into a programmer. I was stuck in a foreign country with no job, little money and months left on my lease.

It was one of the first times I knew real fear.

It was supposed to be a magic experience and it just all fell apart. I felt like I’d wrecked what was meant to be my first major opportunity. I don’t want that to happen again, and I’m terrified it will.

My new job as social media coordinator at one of the world’s most exciting adventure travel companies feels like a big break. I’m flying across the sea to Toronto for 11 days for a job which has so much to offer. To a company which is everything I think I’ve ever wanted in an employer. And yet, now that it’s all here and all happening I’m so scared of it all going wrong.

Or of me messing it up.

Our jobs are just like our relationships – except rather than relying on them for simple self-satisfaction, we need them to provide the sustenance we rely on to live. Especially in a city like London. Like a long-term relationship it’s complicated, it’s layered and, more than anything, it’s work.

It’s whether the work is rewarding or not that dictates whether we stay. Or it should do, anyway. I’ve seen enough people unhappy in their jobs and in their relationships to know that when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Behind the layers of worry there’s something so amazing, so incredible, that I barely dare to think about it.

What if…

What of this job is everything I want it to be?

What if I’m great at it?

What if my work colleagues turn out to be amazing new friends?

What if the company is one I’m proud to be a part of?

What if it’s a job I relish the challenge of?

It seems too much to hope for. Much more than I probably deserve, if I was being honest. Flying away to start an amazing new job, it just feels like something is bound to go wrong, because it’s too much amazing-ness to go right. When I flew away before the job and the lifestyle all went wrong. Have I put in enough work and effort for it all to go right this time? Have I amassed enough good karma to keep the bad away?

It’s ridiculous to think that the universe works that way I guess, maybe it’s all just mental bullshit.

But maybe I’ll also try and think poetise on this one.

Wish me luck!

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