Yesterday I finally had the long-overdue date with “The Rugby Stallion”.
As I saw him walking towards me, striding his 6 ft 5 frame ever-closer, I felt like a long forgotten bold suddenly struck. He was the most handsome, stunning, beautiful creature I felt like I’d ever seen.
We went for drinks. We laughed. We found we had the same sense of humour. I’d catch him looking deep into my eyes and couldn’t help but wonder if he was feeling what I was; that something was stirring in my heart. something that felt like it had been dormant for so long. A wellspring of bright, clean, pure feeling was bubbling up as I looked at him.
Was it love at first sight? I don’t know. I don’t know if I believe in such things, or if such a thing is even possible. But if I was, and if I did, then I believe that that was it.
I’d catch him looking into my eyes, a warm smile on his face, and a flicker of hope lit up in my chest that he might be feeling something too.
After leaving the pub we went to the Aspers Casino, and ordered Japanese whisky at the bar, retreating into a private room off the main lounge. As our knees touched He leaned over to kiss me, as the chair made a loud grinding. He stopped, his mouth inches from mine, and broke out into a familiar smile.
“That was the chair, not me” he said, then laughed. I laughed too. It was our first date and between the burning chemistry he had made a fart joke. I think that was the moment I truly started to fall for him.
He pulled me into his lap, wrapped his tall frame around me and kissed me so tenderly. I felt his arms go around me, holding my face to his as we kissed.
We left, and began walking back to our respective homes, which are situated near. As we bypassed his, I felt a thrill of wonder and dread that he might be coming into my bed that night. I also knew I wanted him there. I knew by all the old rules of dating you should be coy, shy and reserved on the first date. Lead them on but leave them wanting more. Make them instigate a chase and entrap them.
The thing is, I realised, I don’t want to entrap a man. I don’t want to deceive him, trick him, manipulate him. I want him there because he is so in love with me he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
As I unlocked the first door and slid the key into the second, I turned to him. My mouth still warm from the kiss he had just given me. I don’t know what made me say it, but something rose inside me. Something bold and daring and suddenly aware of my own self worth.
“I’m not looking for just sex”, I declared. “But you’re welcome to stay over.”
“I’m not looking for just sex either.” He replied calmly.
In the bedroom he lifted me into his arms and laid me gently on the bed. We undressed and took each other with a longing I had never known before. I relished every inch of his strong body. He is just so beautiful. Such strength combined with such a tenderness and boyishness of character. His eyes were bursting with light and humour, and as my hands brushed over the muscles of his arms, chest and stomach I knew I had never wanted anyone more. It was a savouring of every moment, every sensation, every second of just being together.
He held me close in his arms, with such a protectiveness that I don’t think I had ever known before. I hadn’t known I could want someone physically so much, as they lay there stretched out before me. I didn’t know that I could feel so much as he held me through the night. I didn’t want him to ever let me go.
Sometimes when we meet people online, they disappoint. They flake out. They’re completely different from the portrait they have painted online.
But in this instance it was better than I could ever have thought possible. I wanted him. I want him still.
Now I just pray that he holds true and we carry whatever this is forward. I feel so much potential there. I feel things I’ve never felt before. Does he feel it too?
He felt it last night over a pint glass on our first date. Will he feel it enough to carry it forward?
I pray so.