At a talk with one of my ever-wise best friends, he told me he never starts dating a guy without dating other guys at the same time.
I reminded me that, when I first started dating Chris, I was seeing two other guys at the same time. It felt great. I was never obsessing about one, I was messaging with all 3, it was like the excitement and anticipation tripled. But why, when it goes down to one, is there suddenly a tonne of pressure?
Chris is home (again), but this time is understandable after the car accident and the heavy drug usage. I tried calling at his apartment on Friday night before he left, but he’d already gone.
Has out relationship potential gone with him?
And is multiple dating the answer?
When I’ve been asked out while I’ve been seeing Chris, I’ve said no. I’ve said no even to casual sex encounters. All that turned out was a celibacy that felt so long, so elongated, that by Friday I was ready to tear the clothes off the 6 ft 5 bearded giant who came to our office from the printers.
They say it isn’t over until the fat lady sings, but at this point I don’t know if this relationship with Chris has sung its swan song or not. I don’t want it to. I wish it wouldn’t, but a the same time I know I have to accept that if he has decided he’s not in that place and isn’t communicating it I have to accept it and move on.
When my friend mentioned his multiple dating rule, it suddenly seemed like a tonic I’d been missing. Can dating other people take edge off a new relationship? Does it stop the people in it from trying so hard you smother the spark? People say I have to communicate better with him, but how can I do that when I haven’t seen him since Christmas? I said at the start I didn’t want a relationship with a WhatsApp app, and I didn’t just want casual sex. Now it seems I have neither.
Do you stop worrying about a non-reply if you’re out having fun with someone else? It certainly seems that way, and on the one hand taking that road seems like a no brainer. On the other, the man I want to be my boyfriend was just in a car accident and is at home not communicating with me.
Am I a terrible person if I see other people, or is that the sensible thing to do? Am I locking myself in an ivory tower, or emancipating myself from a relationship which is already over?
I feel like if I date other people now, when we’ve made something, while he;s at home on heavy medication after a car accident, then I’m a horrible person. At the same time his non-communication feels like he may not even be interested any more. If I had a word, a sign, a feeling from him that he wanted me, I’d be there for him. But he doesn’t. It feels like he’s drifting away. And not in the sense that you can blame on the drugs.
They say there are hundreds of great guys out there, but I want only him. In poker you shouldn’t bet all your chips on one hand, unless you are pretty certain it’s the winning hand. Is Chris my winning hand, or is it just a bluff? Do I wait for him to recover and hope that he wants me back, or do I move on and preserve my feelings?
Selfish, or just sensible?