“27, that’s dangerously close to 30!”
Or so said my brother 10 days ago on my last birthday. Making me feel so much better.
I know I’m happier now than I ever was a teenager, or as a student. But as you move towards your 30’s, you start thinking about what it is you really want. You star thinking about it because you realise that time is running out, and you’ve been around long enough to realise that not everyone gets a happily ever after.
I don’t want to paint life as a poker game, where you have to risk, analyse, bluff and pay, but sometimes it seems closer to that than we’d like to admit.
So what is it I want?
When I was speaking to someone about this yesterday, I said that I wanted a great job, a great guy and a great apartment.
That is my holy trinity.
I want a career I enjoy, a home I love to come home to and a guy to love and share it all with.
On paper, it seems like such a simple dream. But the reality, of course, sometimes seems so much harder. For one thing, a nice apartment in London means you need to have a very, very good job. A very high paying job.
Finding love means taking the time out of that job to try and look for that special someone (I don’t date in the office).
And building that great career means devoting large amounts of time to developing your skills and your job. As someone with a full-time role and a burgeoning freelance life, it feels like that bit might be on track. Although the money I’m earning is decent, it isn’t nearly enough to live the London life I want.
In meditation, you’re taught to think about what it is you want and focus on it. When I picture what I want, I see a beautiful, clean little apartment in central London. I see myself coming home and him taking me in his arms. I see us going on evening walks around the streets and parks, coming home and cooking dinner together. I see us celebrating each other’s successes and helping each other through the tough times.
I see what I want stretched out like a possibility I want to take. But then I stop and ask if it’s even possible; am I manifesting what will be, or am I just dreaming?
What happens when, even when you’re dreaming simple, you might be dreaming too big?