After a single message from Mr. Gareth saying he’d like to meet again the week after next, nothing.

Part of me refuses to be drawn into the will he/won’t he back and forth sea-saw where your day rests upon a single text message. I loathe those scenes in romance movies where the hero or heroine sits frustrated by the phone, willing their psudo-lover to contact them. Part of me worries that it already has.

It was the first time in a long time I felt the butterflies, and I find that very hard to let go. He sparked something in me. The fact that he might be williing to just drop me after a single date and a bit of fumbling in his apartment grates on me.

But is it fear of losing him, or just fear of rejection?

It was a point Tom made to me yesterday, and I think if i was honest it would have to be the latter. It was a liberating discovery to say the least. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but he was handsome, clever and charming. Of course we fear being rejected, especially by those we perceive to be our mating equals. Those we want, or perhaps just lust after. Those we meet and for a brief moment feel the avenue of hope opening up again, only for a bleak few days to go by with little or no words of encouragement.

I’m of the firm belief that if a man really wants you he should fight for you. This doesn’t feel might like he’s fighting more than he’s flopping. More wet fish than chivalrous knight.

Part of me really would like to see him again, part of me says if he’s not willing to make effort now, how will he in the future? Part of me says try and make it happen, part of me says to let it go.

Do we expect too much nowadays, and should I just accept he seems to to take days to respond to simple requests, or do I throw him off for someone who is going to pursue me properly?

The awful truth is, I’m lonely. I watch my friend pair off one by one, and it seems like I’m too picky, too unlucky or too flawed to meet that special person who will love me back. What’s wrong with me? Sometimes I think there must be something deeply wrong, for it to be this difficult. I almost never spark, and when I do, they’re not interested enough to even pick up the phone.

Am I setting my standards high, or am I flawed?

Is it them who are to blame, or is it me?


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