When we meditate, we’re taught to think positively – to focus on the good things and see the right side on those we don’t like.
The problem is, sometimes that’s precisely why we don’t like them.
I really can’t stand those who just view the world through rose-tinted specs, constantly clapping you on the back and telling you how wonderful the world is. How amazing the company you work for is. How everything is light and bright and just fantastic.
Sometimes the world is shit. Sometimes it gets us down. Sometimes, it’s filled with pain. Sometimes no matter how hard you focus on the positives or repeat affirmations you just want to scream out your frustration and punch someone in the face.
I’m not sure why I’ve been feeling so negatively lately. Maybe I’ve just been surrounded by people who are far too happy. Happier than nay human should be without being on Class A drugs.
Sometimes the challenge of a social life and maintaining a full-time job which involves reporting across 3 time zones just gets too much. I can’t stop thinking about past relationships which have gone wrong. And I’m not sure how to pull myself out of the headspace. I don’t think it’s depression, not again (never again), but it’s certainly a negative place for your head to take itself.
And I don’t know how to pull myself out of it.
Things at work are so hard. Reporting to Canada (twice over, now) it’s so hard to make my voice heard. Sometimes the effort of trying to do so just seems like too much effort. I can’t fight any more with it.
I look at all of them and can barely decide what I want any more. I don’t feel like a whole person, just a ghost of one. It’s like I’ve smashed myself into pieces, and until I can pull them back inside me and re-assemble all the points of my life I won’t be whole. The problem is what I want, or think I want, seems to change day to day. I suppose at this time it’s easy to wish someone would just sweep in, lift me into his arms and rescue me. But I know defining your problems through someone else as the solution is a very dangerous road to tread.
I think the only ones who hold the keys to resolving our problems are ourselves.
But, really, does it have to be so painful?