Last week was, I can unequivocally say, one of the most difficult working weeks I’ve ever encountered.
Does anyone else ever have times when it seems like everyone and everything in the office is simply conspiring to make your job harder?
Your boss, your colleagues, your friends?
It seemed that every turn I took, every decision I made, was the wrong one. One that people could laugh and berate me about. It seemed that every attempt I made to streamline a process or map out a better way of doing something just backfired.
And so, of course, my confidence took a knock. A pretty hefty one.
I suppose, in some ways, it was rather inevitable. I’d been so angry before, sometimes bordering on resentful, of the projects my counterpart across the pond was given. Since the head office is based over there, they always seem much more exciting and challenging than my day to day work, which seems altogether more humdrum and day-to-day.
It seemed to my mind terribly unfair that an accident of geography should alter our day to day duties so; that I couldn’t be hands-on with the projects I wanted to be involved with.
“Shine with what you do have”, my colleague advised, “and you’ll get more.”
Wise words, indeed.
And I realised something else. I realised that, as frustrating as this situation is, I must accept it.
I must accept it.
I must accept that the deck is stacked in her favour. I must accept that she will get the big projects and I will not. I must accept that my role at this company is more support than star of social media.
And I know that if I cannot accept that, then I must move on.
I think that I can. Playing second fiddle is not in my nature and neither is taking a back seat. But in doing so, perhaps I can have the space I need to grow and learn. Surrounded, as I am, by people who are experts in the fields of content, marketing and social media. I may have resented being secondary, but I possess enough wisdom at least to acknowledge their talents.
I just hope it is not too late. I hope my desire to strive ahead has not spelled out a ruination for my future in this company. I’m not ready to leave. Not yet. I may not get to be the leader here I wanted, but I recognise now that there is so much more still left for me here. The magical opportunities may not be laid out in front of me as I wanted them to be, as I hoped they’d be. Maybe, yes, even as I thought I deserved them to be. But nobody in this company, in this world, really owes us anything. We make our own luck and our own opportunities.
But this week is a new week. I’m starting lots of new things, both in work and outside. There’s no point holding onto the resentments and little quibbles of the past. If they are dead and buried, then I swear I shall not resurrect them. I shall let them go and move on, with a smile on my face and ready to do the best for me, my job and my team.
It’s not a big change, I just want to start looking at things a little differently.