As I sit at home in London, with the sky dark and grey outside, I reflect on how lucky I am.
At the end of all things, that’s always what I tell myself. I moved to London with nothing, and I’ve made it work. Whatever else hasn’t gone right or hasn’t worked out; I moved to London. And I made it work.
At brunch with Marina yesterday, she explained how even after a year of intense difficulties, she resolved she would always see the positive in every situation. It’s another lesson I’ve drawn from her. She’ll be handing her notice in on Monday. Moving on to bigger and better things.
Truthfully, I don’t know how I’ll manage at the office without her. I will miss her terribly. She was really the only person I felt truly connected to there. The only one I could speak the truth with. About everything; life, work, relationships. She is a friend in every sense of the word. That, and she professionally inspired me. To work harder. To learn more. To grow faster. Where and how to pursue my ambitions.
How will I manage without her?
To look on the positive, perhaps it will be somewhat liberating. Marina is one of those brilliant people you feel you can never quite match. Perhaps it will be a chance to breathe and have my own professional space. That, and maybe it will make our friendship even more special, to not see each other in work. Nothing kills a good relationship like over-familiarity.
But even with that, I shall still miss her terribly.
And it makes me think of my own career journey. Where is mine going? What skills do I need? When should I think about moving on?
The thoughts frighten me as they tumble through my mind, like marbles dropped in water. Each one splashes and ripples, creating a myriad of reflections which I can’t mentally process. Everything is jumbled and disjointed, interconnected but separate.
Sometimes on my periphery I can see the things I want, and I can feel them coming closer. But I’m scared of losing them. More than that I’m just scared of…losing. People like Marina are winners. The world seems to simply align itself to their desires and bow down to their brilliance.
Some days, I’m doubtful at how bright my own brilliance will shine. And even more in this job, I fear it will never have sufficient light to do so. Not when all major creative decisions and project assignments are made on another continent.
Perhaps I just have to keep working. Keep trusting that with the right application of skills, and the acquirement of some new ones, my star can one day shine as brightly as Marina’s.
My job is still great. I have the opportunity to grow, to learn and to discover more about the world of social media and digital marketing. Like in everything, there are positives.
What I want in life and in love is far from this small, grey room in Stratford. But there are positives to that too. And I think a move of house may be the first step in a whole new chapter of my London life.