I saw a rather worrying Facebook update.
The man who for three days moved my world and for one bank holiday weekend became my all; before he was snatched away from me by the cruelties of chance and circumstance. That man, as it turns out, is a somewhat rather right-wing, pro-gun Republican.
The update I saw was rather unexpected and somewhat brutal, displaying all the ignorance one would expect. It rather shocked me.
It didn’t change my deeper feelings for him, but it did make me think. I pictured what my liberal leftie London friends would say if they saw it. If they could see into my mind and how much I still wanted him.
I thought of Jim and other exclaiming the inevitable: “Well, you’ll never want to see him again.”
In truth I do. It’s his politics, and frankly he can choose whatever side of the political spectrum he wants. He can protest an American’s right to bear arms all he likes. The same way I believe nobody should be allowed to wield anything more dangerous than a potato peeler until they’ve proved they have half a brain on their shoulders.
I do not know the intricacies of the political stage, English or American. The political power games of the world can rise and fall, laws can be made, enacted and broken. I don’t care. I only know that for those three days he made me the happiest I think I’ve ever been. And I’d put my own happiness before any power struggle.
Lord, how I miss him. Every day I think of him, I see his face. Today I thought of his words that he wanted me to come and visit him in The States. I allowed myself the brief indulgence of fantasy. I thought of being with him again. Of his arms around me. Of the sheer joy of being together. Of watching a sunset with him. Feeling the heat of the American sun as I feel the warmth of his face upon mine. Would be cry out when he saw me again? Roar and throw me into his arms?
I built castles in the clouds with my dreams of how we would be together again. That somehow the currents of the world would conspire to bring us back to one another.
Hang what anybody else thinks.
I will go after what makes me happy.