Wow, what a couple of weeks.
I’d never been in a job where it looks like I might get promoted in the first two weeks. Then again, I’ve never been in a job where I get a call telling me I need to accompany the CEO to a British Music Industry party. Then again, I’ve never been in a job that I said “no” to originally.
I was called into a meeting with the boss and he said that, with the social media manager leaving and the fact that all the feedback about me has been so positive, they wanted to offer me something. Something that they thought I’d be very happy about. But that was all he could say at present.
Still, it’s something. Something more than I thought that this job would be. At the very least it looks like it’s going to be an incredible learning curve, hopefully at a higher salary than the one they started me on.
But I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.
If it all works out, I think it could be the start of something special. If nothing else, it could be just the new start I need. Maybe not the perfect one, but perhaps the one I need.
I had a look online today on SpareRoom.com for new shared flats. I feel more and more that the time is right for me to move, move somewhere fresh where I can enjoy living in London again. Not a house where it just feels like everyone is just part of the furniture. Where it seems like every day we have less and less to say to one another. I think places, like people, sometimes come into our lives to serve a purpose. For the last three years I’ve enjoyed living here, I’ve enjoyed the people. It’s been a quiet and safe haven while I went about discovering who I am and where I want to go. It was a cheap place to live in the past couple of months while I survived on freelance work.
Now I feel like I come home to a place that isn’t really a home. I feel like it’s just a room that I happen to live in. To tell the truth, it feels a bit that London moves on without me while I’m here, and that’s not why four years ago I took the plunge and decided to come and live in this city. I think that the London life is about feeling alive; not about feeling that you’ve been banished to come corner on the eastern edge.
It’s a time for new friends, too.
Last week I was out with Marina, Denise and Rob, getting the lowdown on what exactly went on with the mass marketing firing at the company where three of us used to work. But there, I also realised that I was distant from these people in a way that I didn’t used to be. I think, really, the workplace was all that bound us together. When I was retelling the story of my recent workplace triumphs, Marina burst in at the end with how she was currently interviewing at Google and Facebook. It rather deflated my own achievements, I can tell you. I realised then that I rarely left a meeting with these guys feeling good about myself. And if that were the case, then there was little point in putting myself through their company.
I realised that there was a time when I dreaded losing friends. That there was a darker time before that when I didn’t have very many to lose.
Now I feel I’m entering a point in life where I don’t need to worry. I feel like I’m entering a point where I know what I’m prepared to give and what I’m not. I feel like I know my own self-worth.
That may sound obvious, but I think for a very long time I didn’t. I don’t think I really valued myself, or the things about me that I had to give. It meant I was a slave to other people’s opinions and their whims; that I was frightened of losing them, so held people too close or fell too fast.
To be entering a place in life where I feel that I know my own self-worth is, to me at least, a very special thing. It’s not a place I actually ever pictured myself as being.
It seems that on all fronts there’s a new chapter to explore. And the best part is I’m actually quite excited to explore it.