Lordy Lordy Lordy.
An opportunity has arisen, one I’m so thrilled and so scared about I can barely bring myself to touch it.
2 weeks ago, I was listening to one of my favourite gaming podcasts, where they were interviewing one of the head story designers of the company. He mentioned that he used freelance writers frequently to design parts of the adventures, but reliable ones were very hard to find.
Well, my mind wouldn’t let me alone until I had tracked him down on Twitter. I messaged him and told him I was a writer (some have said a gifted one) and although I hadn’t worked in game design before I had received high praise for my journalism and marketing copy work. I write fiction on the side, I said, and I would be willing to start at the bottom and learn how to do this step by step. To design interactive adventure stories for a living? Or at least freelance for now. What could be better?
I didn’t hear anything for almost a week, and had given up on it. Then yesterday evening a Twitter message pinged through from him. He was intrigued, he said, and would like to see my resume to get an idea of who I am.
Now I’m excited and terrified in equal measure.
What if I’m not good enough? That’s not false modesty. My CV is all social media and digital marketing. Real writers hate that. It’s barely noticeable any more that writing was my first job, first love and real passion.
My portfolios are all articles – bits of journalism and catchy marketing copy. They show I can write, I think, but they don’t really show my imaginative side. Should I send him some of my fiction? An excerpt? Or would that look too pretentious, too forthright?
The possibility is too wonderful. I don’t care if I start by writing the boring bits that none of the other writers want to do. To actually make money from something which requires thought and talent and imagination…It’s like a dream I thought I’d forgotten.
But there’s such a stark difference between something you know you can do, and convincing someone that you can do it. I want this opportunity but what if he’s not willing to take the chance on some pushy Brit who tweeted him out the blue because they want to do what he does, and have a handful of articles to their name?
I’m determined, but I’m timid. I want the possibility, but I’m so scared that it won’t work out. That somehow I’ll bodge it.
I can’t think of any opportunity in my professional life I’ve wanted more. This isn’t about some flashy magazine or big company that I want to bejewel by CV with. This is a company who’s games I’ve loved since I was 12; who’s books and products have inspired my imagination all through the years.
God, angels, anybody. Let them give me a chance. That’s all I ask. Just enough luck to get me a chance.