I’ve always loved storms.
There’s something wonderfully emotional about them, like a release; something refreshing and something new. One rages outside right now as I sit in my bedroom and write this. My brother has started watching Vikings and, like the comforting yet bloodthirsty soundtrack to Game of Thrones, it plays in the background.
Christmas yesterday was blissful as always; wonderful presents, good company and delicious food. It was a very relaxed sort of day, though for me it began in the small hours of the morning. Unable to sleep, I completed the last few modules in my Online Marketing Fundamentals course from Google, along with the final exam, and my the time Christmas Day dawned I was the proud owner of my certificate, which now sits on my LinkedIn.
But it made me thirsty for more. It made me want to do my courses in AdWords and Analytics, to improve my professional skill set and move my focus away from social media. While I’ve enjoyed working in it, it is a very fluffy aspect of digital marketing to be involved in — it can be hard to truly measure any real level of success in and of itself.
It also felt like there was something oddly wanting on Christmas Day, something I couldn’t quote put my finger on and explain. It was almost as if I felt like I was getting too old for it, as silly as that sounds. While I still love returning home for Christmas and treasure the memories it creates, I feel like now, at 28, I should be thinking about making my own Christmas memories. I should have someone who I can make my own family with; my own memories.
I don’t mean that in the sense of biological clocks or wanting kids — I don’t really want children at all. But I do want to spend my life with someone and eventually to create our own Christmas traditions together. Maybe with a dog or two to take for walks and have something to mutually care for.
I’m not in any great hurry to settle down or get married or anything, but I am rather tired of being on my own all of the time. Somehow at Christmas it just seems all the more stark when I keep returning home to the same house I’ve spent the Yuletide in since I can remember. Somehow it seems like the magic is starting to go stale and I need to find place to create my special memories. More or less I need to move on with my life.
I also feel very divided in my mind. On the one hand, I’m excited to go back to London, pick up life in my new Zone 1 shared house with my new job and new schedule. On the other I’m frightened, like stepping back into a relationship when you’ve been badly burned or hurt; what if it happens again?
I also have a clearer direction, at last, of where it is I want to go in my career, which for the past new months was just something I couldn’t see. Or at least, I think I do. I need more training and research to be sure. But I think I want to move into the field of paid search and PPC, while still retaining my expertise in social media and PR. Surely having skills in all of them will be no bad thing for a company? Having done a foundation in my Google training, I found the Google tools remarkably similar to a video game. You set the right coordinates, make the correct adjustments, play the game correctly and boom – better business all around. You fulfil the goals, progress further in the levels and you’ll be rewarded. Perhaps that’s the way to think of it going forward?
I’ve had my storm(s) in 2016, as it seems everyone has. I think the time has come now to emerge and embrace London afresh again, and to savour these 5 days at home, with everything perfect the way it is. Perhaps that’s why part of my mind is reluctant to let go of it; it’s been so perfect. But one of my principal defects is the propensity to be too passive and not good enough at taking control of my own life. Well, that’s something I’m certainly going to change. If 2016 has taught me anything it’s that I can achieve so much, but first you have to get up off your arse and actually do it. Not think about it, write about it or plan it, really really do it.
I read these wonderful words by the author Stephen King a couple of weeks ago. Words I think I’m going to live by from now on:
“Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.”