I feel like my anxiety is back, I’m so nervous. I’m scared that I won’t be able to do what they want in this new job.

The big problem wth social media and digital marketing techniques is precisely because of the incredible things that they can do. People start to think that they are a miracle cure; that summoning up thousands of followers and hundreds of new conversions are all just there at the drop of a hat.

And it’s not true. The best marketing in the world can’t cover up for shoddy products or lacklustre customer service. Why do senior managers never seem to understand this?

They want new Twitter accounts created from scratch and somehow populated with minimal financial support. I’ve had a look and social media ranks so low on the charter of bringing in new business it may as well fall off! I’m so scared that I won’t be able to deliver. I’m scared that my ideas won’t work. I don’t want to go through the process again of having to job search, or even of them just deciding I’m rubbish and getting rid of me.

I’m good at what I do but I can’t make a miracle — will what I can do be enough?

Either way, I think that this will be my last social media role. Whether I step further into Search Engine Marketing or move back into writing and editorial work, I’m tired of social media. I’m tired of being nagged over followers and retweets; it’s a load of vapid pointlessness. It can do amazing things, but only with a business that understands its limits. It’s like  JK Rowling said of writing a world filled with magic: “The challenge wasn’t deciding what magic could do…but what it couldn’t do.”

Social media is much the same. To use it effectively, you need to understand its limits.

I can feel my anxiety and panic rising at the prospect of moving further into this role, given what I can see of some of the attitudes emerging. Was I wrong to take it? Am I supposed to be here? What if I can’t do it? I don’t want another failure; another something that I can’t stand going into every day. I won’t.

But what is the solution? I’ve exercised, meditated and prayed on this and I can’t see one emerge — I just have to fight the panic back down again. Oh God, how I wish I could just stay at home and write novels. But between this new job and everything else I’ve not had time to write fiction since I was at home for Christmas. How is it all supposed to be done?

I just don’t know. I can feel the void opening up and have to not let myself fall into it. All I can do is what I can do; all of this is just a set of challenges to be overcome. I don’t want to constantly fight against the world, but how is that to be done when the world seems so determined to fight back?

I wanted this job to be just a job; I didn’t want it to be something which hounded me home and dogged me across my waking hours. But I can feel it already filling up my brain with natterings and challenges and fixes which I don’t think I can fix. The problems are all there but the solutions are beyond me.

Oh help; what do I do? I just don’t know.

I guess I just have to say to my bosses that some of these ideas are just not feasible. They brought me on because they wanted a digital opinion, and I will give it. They need to cut back on all these quick fixes and build a solid foundation with what we have got. No more channels, no more wild ideas until we have sorted it all out and running smoothly. And that means cutting back and making fixes first. It’s not as crazy and creative as new ideas or pioneering solutions, but sometimes it is necessary. And I guess if nobody else is going to say it then I suppose I have to.

That’s why they hired me.



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