There’s nothing more drudgeries than just going through the motions. Seriously, that feeling of getting up, just moving through your day as though you’re a brain in someone else’s body; click, click, click at work and then falling asleep again. Dolly Parton sang it best but there’s something I always secretly hated about that song. If she really had “dreams he’ll never take away”, then why not make them happen? Why stay in something that was dull and boring just because you felt you had to?

I don’t mean that overly-dramatic “Quit your job to become a singer/actor/writer/professional poker player” type nonsense, but there’s a hundred thousand other things you can do: start going to songwriter clubs on the side; join writing groups; attend some classes. We all have the power to change our own lives if we wish, and the truth is most of the resources we could want are available to us online for free.

Last week I was in Nottingham with my boss and a group of us went to a local Nandos for lunch. Since they had seated people in the oddest places (couples at massive tables etc.) they said we’d have to wait. My boss loathed the fact that nobody seemed to have the slightest inkling that maybe there was a solution; like putting two tables together. “I hate this!” she whispered to me. “Every time I see something like this I just want to sort it out; I hate people who don’t look for solutions.”

Aside from being an interesting insight into her character, it also heightened my respect for her. I’m someone who has to be careful and not slip into a passive mindset when things start to get tough or overwhelming. I’m also the sort of person who sometimes needs time to reflect, especially when I’ve gone through a big challenge or have a really complex problem to solve. And the funny thing is, problems that other people who run in terror from I seem to raise to the challenge; things that are commonplace and everyday can find me sitting on the loo at work, my head in my hands, fighting down the urge to panic. I’m not sure why I’m like that, but I’ve certainly always been. It’s like my hyper-sensitivity, it makes me a natural at art or writing, but it means that the most common of things can throw me of course during the course of my day. Someone can send me a rude message or choose to phrase a piece of criticism in a rather nasty way and I have to really not let it throw me. It doesn’t as much as it used to as I’ve done a lot of mental work to try and make myself more resilient; but it can still sometimes throw me.

I look at some of my friends sometimes and think what a weak and feeble being I really can be sometimes.

It’s part of why I wish I could find someone to help me through life; there are days when I think I’m just not strong enough to handle it all on my own.

I have dreams that they’ll never take away too, it’s just that some of those dreams don’t rest upon me alone. And unfortunately, dreams that count on more than just your own hard work and resilience are far harder to make come true.


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