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Goodness, what a day. And tomorrow looks like it could be a bigger one.

There was the interview arranged with one of London’s most famous agencies.

There was the phone interview arranged with another agency.

There was the freelance pitch submitted to one of the UK’s biggest celebrities for their new show.

So many opportunities! Jesus, if I knew things were going to move like this I’d have left the poker twats weeks ago. Nothing is set in stone obviously, my Aunt always used to tell me never to count my money until it had been paid; wise words from a wise bird. It’s too easy to get caught up in the excitement and rush of it all and to remember that nothing is fixed yet. Hopefully soon, but not yet.

TWO DAYS LATER…

I’m sitting in Le Pain waiting for the celebrity’s producer, who is running late of course.

He is really keen to speak with me about the deck I sent over, which he might even have shown to the celebrity at this point. Either way, I really hope that we can get everything confirmed for my becoming a digital consultant on the show.

Yesterday, I had the interview with the agency and it was gruelling; they found my weaknesses and hammered them. Within 15 minutes I was fantasising about going home and eating something filled with sugar. I answered as best I could but really didn’t leave with much hope.

Within 2 hours I’d had a call from the recruitment agent — they liked me and wanted to move things forward into negotiating. So I may have the chance to work with one of the world’s premier PR agencies on an international automotive client.

In truth I’m terrified to land it. The environment looked madly intense and the account would be something bigger and more challenging than anything I’d ever done before. It would be a contract of around 3 weeks, and I’d have to accept that, for that time, it would be intense. Probably more intense and pressured than anything I’d done before. In truth I’ve never been a big fan of pressure; in uni I was the kind of student who started the essays a month before and still thought it was getting awfully close to deadline. It would be nose to the grindstone for the duration of the contract.

But what an opportunity! I would need to set myself up as a limited company — my own comoany, just like I dreamed. I’d be working to grow my own reputation and my own business. There’s something inherent in that challenge which appeals beyond the every day of simply getting up and heading to work; building something for yourself.

But the other thing, the other thing…Charlie. I was going to go to California and see him later this month, and if I land this amazing (terrifying) opportunity, I won’t be able to. I miss him so much, so very very much. Sometimes at night I lie and think of him holding me. The thought of running away; of flying to California to be with him was what kept me going. I know that this opportunity, if I get it, will be great for my CV, but I also know how hard it will be. I’m doing it for my career, but Charlie; there are moments when I think Charlie could be my life. I don’t know where or how it would work but all I know is that things are simpler with him.

I know that I have never met someone as supportive or kind- hearted as he is. When I told him that I wouldn’t be able to come to Cali after all, he said it would still be there in October; he said that he’d be more angry if I didn’t leap on this opportunity. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve him but I know that I don’t, he is my superior in every moral way
possible.

But I do know that, in a world of bleakness and uncertainty, he shines like a light. It may not be a light that I actually deserve, but it is the most wonderful feeling to know that it is there.

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